It was said and experienced by Stephen Mansfield that these rogue and rebellious gangs and terror groups are simply boys who lacked quality fathers and an environment that allowed them to become men.
It is important to remember that you begin influencing your son within a matter of days of him entering into the world. A real man is there from the beginning and involved in as much of the process as possible, this bonding from the beginning will help curb is behavioral tenancies by the time he is 1 year old.
There is none of this “Mummy is the only one who can help him, I will jump in when he is more fun and active” bullsh!t. Your influence is going to shape this boys life as he progresses through his journey to manhood.
1. He needs to hear that you love him; I love you is the most powerful 3 words a man can use to show gratitude to the ones who mean the most to him and your son should be no exception. He knows you love him unconditionally but he needs to hear that you love him everyday.
2. He is watching how you treat women; his vision is going to be a recording everything he see’s and having respect for women does not come naturally. It comes from within the 4 walls of home and your little man will be watching how you treat and the way you talk to the women in your life.
3. He is also watching how you treat male figures; the respect and nature in which you converse with the men in your life will set the ‘norm’ for how your little boy treats his mates and other male figures. Always keep an outside ear on the conversations you are having with your mates and what message it is sending to your boy.
4. How you treat yourself; he is also going to see how you treat yourself. Abusing food or alcohol again will also appear as a normal house hold. Your healthy lifestyle and work ethics will also be blatantly obvious. Also consider knocking off early to come home and surprise the family or take your boy out for a ride or some ice cream. These little moments can leave lasting effects on a boys life.
5. You are the teacher of life, not just “manly” stuff; Are you a “Jamie Oliver” in the kitchen? Can you iron a mean shirt? Can you mop the shit out of the house? These are all things that your boy needs to learn. We all know those guys who went through life not having to do a load of washing or cook because mummy did everything. Well blokes that’s your fault if your son ended up that. Help your boy learn how to live and make a brilliant husband and dad in the future!
6. Your little dude wants your affection too; Tickling and play fighting isn’t everything that he wants. He wants your hugs and kisses as well, showing your affection with long cuddles in his bed and a kiss goodnight or goodbye will show him the fatherly love and how much your adore him.
7. He will be you in 20 years, your influence matters; Dads play the biggest role in shaping a boys development – having an interactive and attentive dad may just stop your son from sitting in a jail cell or getting involved in drugs. Show him what it means to be a man and how to be a man, you can also show him at a young age the affects of poor decision making and how real men don’t act.
8. You still need to be ‘tough’ dad; There are still going to be times where your going to have to come down on him and exercise your authority. It is important he understands why and that whatever punishment you put in place is honored. “No playstation or xbox for a week” stick to it please! or you just show him that rules and punishments are flexible and weak.
9. Bring out the hugs, a shoulder to cry and an ear for listening; You need to be there the first time he gets his heart broken, or when he doesn’t get invited along to a sleep over. He needs to know that you are there for him and that he isn’t alone. You may forget how those little things rattle a young boy so try and exercise emotion and understanding.
10. ‘Mummy’s boy’; Yes a mother and son bond is very important and unique but a strong father and son relationship can have an even bigger impact on the future of your son.
I think we need to bring the importance of manhood back into the everyday lives of our sons and our parenting. Boys trip’s camping and hiking with our sons, teaching them the basic skills of life outdoors but also teaching them the skills indoors to help shape him into the man, father and husband that will bring future hope to the world.